I Grow Old

I am turning 60 today. For the last week a line from a poem has been going through my head:

“I grow old ... I grow old ...

I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.”

Not sure exactly what that means, but I like it. I take it as permission to stop worrying about conventions and how others might think I should think or dress or act. 

But today I’m thinking more serious thoughts too. Quite frankly, I don’t want to be 60. I didn’t like turning 50 and I dealt with that by not thinking about it much.  Today I really don’t like turning 60 and I’m making myself think about it.  It’s not really fear of death; I believe God will take care of me when I die. But it is a fear of becoming old and sick. It’s a fear of becoming useless and helpless.  Even more than that, it's regret about how much of my life has gone past and how many things there are that I would like to go back and change.  We don't get do-overs.

I often have music running through my head. Sometimes it’s random but sometimes it’s there to tell me something. Today it’s a song we sang in the church in Pittsburgh where David and I were married. I don’t remember all of it, but I remember these three lines:

     “For our life together we celebrate”

     “For the joy and for the pain we celebrate”

     “Celebrate the whole of it”

There is certainly a lot to celebrate about my life so far. I have not experienced the kind of pain and poverty that so many people in the world suffer from. I had good, supportive parents who made sure I got the good education which led to my career.  My husband and I will be celebrating our 35^th wedding anniversary in January. We have three interesting, creative children. And as of just yesterday we have an empty nest!   We belong to a wonderful church community and we have some wonderful friends.  I have done some worthwhile things – teaching, music, and at least some aspects of my parenting.

Still, like every single person in the world my life has included its share of pain. I am experiencing chronic physical pain at the moment and there has been pain in relationships and in my career.  Some of that pain has been of the "shit happens" variety, but  I am also very aware of ways in which I have caused or contributed to some of my own pain and given pain to others.   There is so much I would like to go back and fix. I can celebrate the joy but I don’t feel able to celebrate the pain and my first response is to rebel against this stupid “earworm”.

So I’m focusing on the third line of that song: “Celebrate the whole of it”. It is difficult to see my life so far as a whole instead of a tangle of details, let alone to celebrate it that way.  My decision for today is to take a leap of faith into that line and believe that my life so far, while imperfect, has overall been worth living and worth celebrating.   Instead of mentally replaying all of my failures I’m going to try remember that everyone (not just me) is imperfect and probably trying their best. I’m going to try to remember all of the good things in my life and the fact that God loves me no matter what.  

To celebrate this birthday (and perhaps to rebel against it just a little) I'm going out with my husband and one of my kids to see "Mary Poppins Returns".  Nobody is too old for Mary Poppins!  I loved her when I saw the first movie at the age of 5 and I loved her when I read the books and I can't wait to see this new chapter.  

When I was just about to finish this I got a wonderful text message from my wonderful sister:

                   "Happy Birthday!!! Can't believe one of us is 60!  Thank God it's you!"

I am very thankful for a sister who can make me laugh.  Nothing is as scary or horrible when you find a way to laugh at it.

Another Spritz Cookie Fail!

My mother was a great cook.  When I was a kid she let my sister and me help her, but she never wanted to give up complete control.  She wanted to be near the kitchen to hover and make sure we were doing everything just right.  One thing she made that I really loved was chocolate spritz cookies -- a soft cookie dough pressed through a cookie press to make little shapes.  She made these every year without fail at Christmas time and I loved helping her with them.

Today I remembered something I haven't thought about for decades: an occasion when Mom let me make spritz cookie dough without her help.  I must have been 10 or 11.  It was my turn the next day to bring a snack to a Camp Fire Girl meeting and I convinced her that I could make spritz cookie dough all by myself while she was working and then we could shape and bake the cookies later.  I proudly melted the chocolate and mixed up the dough on my own and set it aside to bake with her that evening.  I felt very proud of myself.

However, when it was time to shape the cookies after dinner we ran into some trouble; the dough wouldn't go smoothly through the cookie press.  Turns out I hadn't melted the chocolate squares quite carefully enough and there were little bits of unmelted chocolate in the dough -- pretty tiny chunks, but not big enough to fit through the little holes in the cookie press disks.  We ended up just shaping the dough by hand into little circles instead and the world went on turning, but in my memory she really gave me a hard time for that mistake.  The first time she trusted me to do a baking chore by myself and I had blown it!  I hadn't thought about that day in decades until today.

I am now quite a few years older than my mother was on the occasion of my memorable Spritz cookie fail.  I am also on some fairly strong pain pills while waiting for a back problem to be fixed.  They work, but they also make me kind of sleepy and absent-minded and lead to silly mistakes.  Still, Christmas isn't Christmas without cookies and today I decided it was the perfect days to make chocolate Spritz cookies.  I mixed up the dough and put it into the cookie press, thinking how nice it was to use the old favorite cookie recipes I remembered from childhood.  And then something else happened that I remembered from childhood: the dough had trouble fitting through the cookie press disks -- tiny little chunks of unmelted chocolate exactly like all those years ago!  I had forgotten to stir the chocolate carefully to make sure it was completely melted before I mixed it into the dough.  I was really mad at myself but started to see the funny side to it too.  Just when we think we're finally grown up we find ourselves regressing to childhood mistakes.  Nobody really grows up; we just like to think we do....

I managed to get a lot of the dough through the press, but many of the cookies are kind of "freckled" or misshapen.  Some bits of the dough wouldn't go through at all and I had to fish those bits out and make little circles by hand.   And you know what?  They aren't beautiful but they still taste good.  Life goes on and we'll have some nice cookies for Christmas.  I guess that's a double lesson from Mom -- strive for the best, but learn from your mistakes and improvise when you have to!

Here's wishing everyone a happy holiday free from cookie disasters, but also a sense of humor to get through the little things that sometimes go wrong.

A BSJ for Baby G

I am all done making the big scarves, mittens and hats for the Seafarers (using big fat yarn and big fat needles).  It was fun and felt rewarding, but after that I felt ready for a smaller project with smaller needles and yarn.

And what better than a baby sweater? This sweater is for Baby G, the daughter of a family friend.  I used the "Baby Surprise Jacket" pattern, by the famous and clever knitting designer Elizabeth Zimmermann.  I have made several of these and it's a pattern I always enjoy coming back to.  The sweaters are fun to make and the finished products are cute.

The "surprise" referred to in the title of this pattern is the fact that the pattern works even though it seems to make no sense at all while you're knitting it.  It's an exercise in faith.  You knit back and forth for 96 rows, making increases and decreases as directed, and it looks like a bunchy old rag.  Then you follow the directions and make a few folds and add a couple of little seams and -- surprise! -- you have a a baby sweater.  It never ceases to amaze me.

Since Baby G's mother is a physicist, I thought she would enjoy an illustration of how this sweater came together.  I have knitted this sweater with variegated yarn many times, but I thought this time I'd make it with four colors of yarn in stripes to make the construction a little clearer.  I like the way it came out.  (Thanks to my husband for taking me yarn shopping and helping me pick out the colors.  I would have gravitated towards bright colors and I think the result would have been a bit garish.  He has a better color sense than I do.  So much for gender stereotypes....)

I changed colors every 8 rows, which means that those 96 rows produced 12 stripes.  I told myself I would take a picture after finishing every stripe and I managed to remember 11 out of 12 times, which is pretty good.   The pictures were taken on a pair of regular-sized placemats, to give you an idea of the scale.


Stripe 1:

Stripe 2:

Stripe 3:

Stripe 4:

Stripe 5:

Stripe 6:

Stripe 7:

Stripe 8: (multiple increases in this stripe are are making a little ruffle at the top so the work no longer sits flat)

Stripe 9: (the ruffles are more noticeable now that there is more fabric on top of the increases)

(forgot to take a picture after stripe 10...)

Stripe 11: (Stripe 10 involved some back-and-forth knitting on the back of the sweater to provide extra space for the diaper bulge.  And you can see that at this point it's really impossible to lay the work out flat.)

Stripe 12 (This is the finished sweater before seaming.)

At this point, my husband suggested that I had knitted a "thnead".  (If you don't know what a thnead is, you need to review your Doctor Seuss.)

But now comes the magical folding step, which needs a video to do it justice:

 

After that, all I had to do was sew up the shoulder seams and add the buttons and it was done!:

 And a view from the back:

Then there was leftover yarn and I couldn't just let that go to waste.  I thought a garter stitch hat with some of the same colors would be a good choice to go with the garter stitch sweater:

I like how it came out, but when it was done I wasn't sure how well it would fit.  Since I had plenty of yarn left, I added a good old stretchy ribbed hat, which is a pretty safe bet.  And I learned a new skill for that: how to change colors in ribbing without those ugly "purl bumps".  Here is a link to the web page where I found this clever trick.  Here's how it looks:

A little odd looking without a head in it, but it will stretch to fit a range of head sizes.

With the little bit  of yarn I still had left over I made striped tube socks, using the same rib+stripe trick: 

And then I added a second pair of tube socks with fingering-weight yarn as well:

I made some DK-weight tube socks for Baby G earlier (in between fingering and worsted weight) and her mom said they worked very well and requested more.  So now she will have a pair in each of three weights of yarn and she can tell me which weight she likes best and I can make a few more in that weight. 

Credit for the tube sock idea: "Genevieve's Tube Socks" from Ravelry, created by one of my favorite knitting podcasters.  The idea is that for a baby who is growing rapidly and not walking yet there's no real reason for shaping a heel into a sock and a simple tube is good enough.  They are also knit in ribbing, so they're really stretchy and won't fall off so easily and will fit the baby through a few growth spurts.  I wish I had heard about these when my kids were small!  They could kick off socks in the blink of an eye.  The design made the socks 11" long and I couldn't quite picture shoving a baby's foot into a sock that long, so I made them a bit shorter (7-8"). 

Finally, here is a picture of everything together:

I hope Baby G and her family enjoy these.  I certainly enjoyed knitting them.

For fellow knitters, I will soon have notes about these projects on Ravelry (marglamb).

MORE Seafarer Knitting

The deadline for the Seafarer contributions was farther in the future than I had thought, so I have continued to knit for them.  One could say that I got just a bit carried away, but it was fun and I hope the things I made will be useful.  It has been a nice project to distract me from my back and sciatic pain, and the items I made were simple enough that I could handle them in spite of the painkillers dulling my mind.

After I made the items I posted about before I was out of chunky weight yarn (#6), but I remembered reading that if you hold two strands of worsted (#4) together it comes out about the same as chunky.  I had a LOT of small balls of leftover worsted as well as several balls of cheap black & white worsted that I bought on sale a while ago thinking they'd eventually be useful -- and they were!

I made one additional scarf with some of the leftovers.  Here are my three completed scarves:

This new scarf was a nice simple project that helped me get used to knitting with two strands held together.  It's not very hard except that it means two balls of yarn at a time to keep track of instead of one, which is occasionally annoying.  But I liked the way the fabric turned out -- thick and cushy and warm just like the chunky yarn.

Even though the new one (the one in the middle) was narrower than the others, it took a lot of yarn to make a stripe and it used up my biggest balls of leftovers.  I decided that another scarf would have to have narrower stripes, which would mean a LOT of ends to weave in on the edges, so that was the last scarf.  Mittens are fussy enough without having to worry about stripes (as I learned with a previous project this fall!).  So I made lots of hats.

I started out with a hat that combined one strand each of two colors:

I was happy with the look of that -- almost like a variegated yarn.  And it was nice and plushy and warm just like the chunky weight hats had been.   It did mean having two balls of yarn bouncing around in my lap instead, but I had done that before with other kinds of projects.

After this hat, I didn't have enough yarn of any colors except black and white to knit even one strand of a whole hat.  (I have little kitchen scale that also is a big help for measuring yarn.  I had no leftover balls that weighed half as much as the hat I just finished, which answered that question easily.)  So I experimented with all sorts of stripes -- fat ones and skinny ones, sometimes in combination with two colors together.   Here are the results:


With stripes of double-stranded colors I was sometimes holding four  balls of yarn in my lap, which meant a significant amount of effort fighting tangles.

One nice benefit of all of these hats is that I became much more comfortable making jogless stripes.  (For non knitters: when you knit in a round you're actually working in a spiral, so when you switch colors you get a funny little "jog" unless you take special pains to avoid it.)  I found this page from the TECHknitting web site to be a real help.

With the bottom right hat I used a different technique -- helix stripes -- to make really skinny stripes.  (another page from TECHknitting).   That's a clever technique that I enjoy, but OMG I had SIX balls of yarn bouncing around at once and there was a lot of time devoted to un-tangling and tangle prevention!  I think from now on I'll reserve helix stripes for times when I'm not also double stranding!

That's the end of what I made for the Seafarers this year, but my donation will include yet another hat.  I made this hat two years ago when I was loom knitting with one hand after my surgery.  For some reason this hat got left out of that donation and I found it recently when I was organizing my yarn.  Here it is:

I enjoyed this hat marathon and I learned another interesting technique while I was doing it.  I ran through almost all of my worsted-weight scraps and wanted to make a few more hats.  I remembered from my reading that three strands of DK weight yarn is approximately the same weight as one strand of chunky. The idea of three skeins of each color going at once was kind of off-putting, but it turns out there's a really cool trick.  For some reason it's called "Navajo chaining" and it works like magic -- only one ball of yarn for each color in your lap and you get three strands at once.  I don't have a link to share for this technique because I had heard of it a while ago and had been meaning to try it, so I didn't have to look it up.  It was actually kind of fun to do.  I have a lot of DK scraps left and I will probably do a lot of Navajo chaining for some Seafarer projects next year!  I ended by making two hats using Navajo chaining.  I am writing this a couple of days after finishing all the hats and I honestly can't remember which hats were made with Navajo chaining and I can't actually tell from a quick look over the hats.  That is an interesting confirmation that knitting with two or three strands together really is equivalent to one strand of a fatter yarn!

Here is a group portrait of all this year's Seafarer projects:

It was a lot of fun to do and I hope these items help keep some people warm on the high seas this winter and beyond.

Now I will go back to much more delicate knitting.  I have been knitting for the baby of a family friend and she is growing like a weed and needs another hat and sweater.  I haven't been blogging about the baby knitting -- just posting on Ravelry -- but I'm enjoying writing about my knitting here so I'll try to start putting all my projects here from now on.

Seafarer Knitting

In just about 10 days I have managed to knit quite a lot for the Seafarer's collection.  I have enjoyed having something like this to do while I'm housebound.  Even if I can't go out much physically it's a way to contribute something to the world.

The grand total (out of 3 Caron Chunky Cakes) is 2 hats, 2 pairs of mittens and 2 scarves.  That feels like a ridiculous amount to have knit in just over a week, but I have a lot of time on my hands and these are fairly simple items made with really big yarn.  I have never actually knit with such big yarn or with such big needles before.  In knitting lingo, I used super bulky (size 6) yarn and 8 mm needles and got 10-11 stitches to 4 inches.  Compared to knitting socks with 2 mm needles and 8-9 stitches to the inch, this was quite a switch. 

This was a good way to create a lot of useful objects so fast, but after doing it I'm not sure I'd want such thick items myself.  The mittens in particular feel a bit clumsy.  Maybe on the windy deck of a ship on a cold ocean the warmth will be worth it.

Caron Chunky Cakes are multi-colored and I like the combination of colors in this one (and in others I saw in the store) but I wish they changed colors more frequently.  It's OK for the scarfs and is probably very pretty for blankets, but a hat didn't take enough yarn to have all five colors on it, and the mittens look kind of silly and don't match.  Still, they will be warm and cozy and I hope the recipients enjoy them.

I intend to make Seafarer knitting an annual thing, but I think if I use super bulky yarn again I will look elsewhere (probably by mail) and buy several colors separately so I can choose how to stripe them.  Or just make solid color stuff. 

I hope these items make a few seafarers' lives a little easier.  I'm almost totally shut in at the moment and it's good to know that I can make some things that will help people far away from people.  It reminds me that I'm still part of the big world.

(If any knitters want details, I will be posting this stuff on Ravelry soon.  My Ravelry id is marglamb.)

This Is My Brain On Drugs

For young ones who might not recognise the reference, "This Is Your Brain on Drugs" was the slogan for a series of anti-drug commercials from back in the 80s, suggesting that illegal drugs will scramble your brain.

While I'm waiting for treatment for the pinched nerve(s) in my back, I am taking some powerful medication (prescribed by my doctor) and it is indeed scrambling my brain.  That's one of the reasons I'm on sick leave; you wouldn't want to hear me try to teach through this haze!  Today I thought I'd share one an example of how this is affecting me.


First, I need to establish that I am an experienced and competent knitter.  Knitting has been a hobby for most of my life.  I can make socks that actually look nice and fit people's feet, and sweaters that people really do wear and enjoy, even when I'm not around.  I can even do "stranded knitting", which means juggling multiple balls of yarn of different colors to make pictures in the knitted fabric.

So when my back started acting up I thought "at least I have a hobby I love that I can do while sitting on my recliner".  And it's true; knitting has been a comfort at this time.  But it has also reinforced just how much the pills are slowing me down.


Recently I saw an item in our church bulletin about collecting things for people in the Merchant Marine.  One of the things they were looking for was knitted hats, mittens and scarves.  Apparently many people working on ships are not well-paid and are in great need of such items when they sail through cold regions of the ocean.  That sounded like a wonderful way to help others at a time when I am stuck at home and not able to do much.  Normally this sort of item is quite easy for me to knit up quickly.

Yesterday David drove me to Michaels to pick up some yarn.  I was looking for some thick yarn in order to make some warm items in a hurry, since the deadline is only a few weeks off.  Luckily they had some BIG cakes of chunky yarn at a reasonable price.

These things are huge -- more than half a pound of yarn each.  The yarn is of the "super bulky" variety, meaning you have to use big needles and you get about 3 stitches per inch.  Perfect for making nice warm stuff in a hurry.  I thought that one cake was probably enough for a hat/mittens/scarf set but decided to buy two.  And then I noticed they were having a "buy 2, get1 free" so I took home 3 cakes.  If I can't use up all three by the deadline I can make more for next year.

This was yesterday morning.  That afternoon I cast on a simple hat -- really just a tube that comes together at the top.  No complicated shaping.  And by the evening I had finished a large-sized adult hat and was feeling pretty pleased with myself:

A nice basic warm hat for someone in need to warmth.  I felt pretty good about that.

This morning right after breakfast I followed up by making a mitten:

I polished that off in just a couple of hours and was extremely pleased with myself.  Mittens are obviously more complicated in shape than hats and so they take more fiddling.  I have a favorite generic mitten pattern that tells you how to make a mitten to fit a particular hand using any kind of yarn.  This was thicker yarn than I had used before and I was aiming for a large adult male hand so I had to estimate up a little from my own hand size.  But I got it all to work and was happy with the result.  I even took careful notes so that I could make a second mitten to match the first.

I took some time off knitting and then picked up my yarn and needles in the later afternoon to make the second mitten.  Now comes the problem.  By this time of the day I've got a lot of pain medication in my system and my brain is mush.  I referred to my notes from the morning and cast on and nothing went right.  I ripped out the first attempt and tried again.  Still it didn't work and I couldn't figure out what I'd done wrong.  After several attempts to get more than a few inches of a mitten done without error I gave up in disgust.   After dinner I felt like knitting again but decided to start a scarf instead of trying anything more complicated.  That turned out to be a good decision.  A scarf is basically just a flat rectangle, so no shaping involved.  I chose an extremely simple stitch and got more than a foot of scarf done:

Lesson learned!  While I'm on these pain medications I need to work on simple projects in the evening and save the more interesting stuff for earlier in the day. 

Please don't misunderstand; I am very grateful for these pain pills.  Without them I was spending my time huddled up in a ball and crying with pain.  I will continue taking them faithfully until I get up to the front of the queue for treatment that can actually fix the problem.  But it is a very frustrating process.

Hat & Mittens & Church

Since starting my sick leave I have been devoting a lot of time to knitting.  I just finished a project that I've been meaning to do for ages: a hat and matching pair of mittens.  This is just in time because my favorite hat & mittens got lost at the end of last winter.  But I'd been meaning to make these anyway and it was fun to do.  Here they are:

Working on them helped pass the time as I'm needing to be pretty sedentary because of my back.  I've got lots of yarn left over and am planning to follow these things with a scarf. 

If you're a knitter and want to know about yarn and patterns, I'm marglamb on Ravelry (link).

My pain is less awful since I went on sick leave.  Being quiet really has helped.  But the pain is still a real issue.  I still need to be careful where & how I move and sit and still take the pain pills which make me tired and fuzzy. 

I went to church for the first time in quite a while.  It was really wonderful to be back after so long away!  I stayed away because sitting still in a church pews is torture for people with this kind of back issue -- even worse than most hard, straight chairs.  But our church is very understanding and our pastor encouraged me to feel free to move around and do whatever I needed to to be comfortable.  So I spent part of the service lying down on my yoga mat in the "prayer room" next to the sanctuary.  During another part of the service I stood up and stretched in the hall -- and ran into some old friends who were visiting from our of town with their new baby, who I hadn't gotten to meet yet.  That was a real treat!  And for more of the service I was able to get comfortable sitting sideways on a pew.  It was really good to be back, even if it required some creativity to keep from hurting myself.

Going to church was part of accepting that this back thing is a long-term issue and not just a short illness.  I can't live a completely normal life until it is resolved, but at least I can figure out some ways to do things that are important to me. 

OUCH!

Warning: This turned into a rather long post about my current health status.  You don't have to wade through it all.  Here is an executive summary: I am having serious back problems, I'm on sick leave, it's miserable but it can eventually be treated and fixed.  And in the meantime I'm miserable and grumpy but relieved to be off work for the duration.

I’ve had back pain on and off for years but it has always been manageable until recently. It started to get worse in the spring and I had an MRI, which showed two displaced vertebrae and some mild stenosis. My physio explained to me that both of these things can pinch the nerves around your back, which causes severe pain. My doctor’s office agreed to refer me to KOPI (local pain clinic), where I’m told they have some treatments that can really help this sort of pain, basically by convincing your nerves to shut up. So the outlook is hopeful but the waiting time is 3-6 months.

In July it suddenly escalated to the point where I was in excruciating pain all the time and could hardly walk. I called our doctor, who was unfortunately out of town, and I got an appointment with his locum. The nice young locum listened to my description of the pain and gave me some pills. He gave me a note for Queen’s telling them that I needed to do a lot of my work at home where I could be more comfortable. The pills took the pain from excruciating to only just bearable and the thought of 3-6 months was still pretty difficult. In computer geek terminology, it’s a FIFO (“first-in-first-out”) queue instead of a priority queue. People who hurt worse don’t get in faster. Even with the pills there is a lot of pain and, walking is difficult and so is standing and so is sitting in a regular chair. Something as simple as walking around the block or spending half an hour in an office chair is awful. The only way I’m even moderately comfortable is lying down or sitting in a recliner. And the pills cloud my mind so that mental tasks take twice as long as they should.

It was hard to face the start of school in this shape, especially with a half-mile walk between office and classroom and more walking to get to and from the bus. I explained my predicament to my students and held office hours right after class and then went home and managed everything else by e-mail – siting in my recliner with my laptop. It was really rough, not just because of the pain but because the pills made me so sleepy and forgetful. I felt like I was only barely keeping up and I knew the semester would get busier as it went along.

As I was getting more and more discouraged and miserable last week, my doctor’s office called. The real doctor was back and wanted to know how I was and if I’d like an appointment. Yes, please! He took me much more seriously. He examined me and discovered I have no reflexes in my left leg, which concerned him and scared me. He said “I’m surprised you’re still working” and said that besides the cognitive issues he worried a lot about my walking around campus in the colder weather that’s coming, where the sidewalks are often quite slippery. He referred me to a neurosurgeon, which really scared me until he said “don’t worry, nobody does back surgery any more!” and explained that the neurosurgeon was still the best person to evaluate my condition and make recommendations. He said he hardly ever referred patients to neurosurgeons but it was what I needed. That doctor will be able to see me much sooner than the pain clinic – “only” 1-2 months.

I went home and thought about all this for about 2 seconds and then sent a note to my department head explaining my situation and asking for sick leave. I expected guilt trips and stories about how “everybody has back pain now and then” and how there was no extra professor who could cover my course. But he was very kind and agreed right away that I needed sick leave. He has arranged for a visiting professor to teach my fall course and is also looking for someone to teach my winter course as well since it’s unlikely this will all be resolved before January.

I am at home full-time now and finding I feel much better already from being able to rest and stay in a more comfortable environment. And probably not from worrying about keeping up at work. The pain is still there but it’s bearable when I take it easy and take my pills. I’m still in the process of handing over course material to the new professor, but that will be done within a few more days and then I can rest as much as I need to and the mental fog won’t be such a difficult issue. I have never had to take a long leave from work before and the “Protestant work ethic” inside of me is trying to make me feel guilty, but I just feel grateful. I am enjoying not hurting nearly as much as I had been hurting when I had to be out and about.

I appreciate all the people who have been asking after me and praying for me. It’s not great, but it’s bearable and I have assurances that I will eventually get better. David is taking wonderful care of me. Things could be a lot worse. I’m just praying for patience and for an eventual resolution to all of this that gets me back to a fairly normal life. 

I am trying to practice gratitude.  I am thankful for:

• My recliner
• The pain pills
• My husband and daughter who put up with my complaining about the pain and who help me do things
• The dinners my husband cooks for us in spite of being very busy at his job
• My department head who understood
• Sick leave policy at Queen's.  Some people lose their job when they are sick for a long time
• Knitting
• Books
• Netflix 
• Music to listen to
• Friends who have e-mailed to tell me they miss me from work/church/choir.  I miss you too!