I’ve had back pain on and off for years but it has always been manageable until recently. It started to get worse in the spring and I had an MRI, which showed two displaced vertebrae and some mild stenosis. My physio explained to me that both of these things can pinch the nerves around your back, which causes severe pain. My doctor’s office agreed to refer me to KOPI (local pain clinic), where I’m told they have some treatments that can really help this sort of pain, basically by convincing your nerves to shut up. So the outlook is hopeful but the waiting time is 3-6 months.
In July it suddenly escalated to the point where I was in excruciating
pain all the time and could hardly walk. I called our doctor, who
was unfortunately out of town, and I got an appointment with his
locum. The nice young locum listened to my description of the pain
and gave me some pills. He gave me a note for Queen’s telling them
that I needed to do a lot of my work at home where I could be more
comfortable. The pills took the pain from excruciating
to only just
bearable and the thought of 3-6 months was still pretty difficult. In
computer geek terminology, it’s a FIFO (“first-in-first-out”)
queue instead of a priority queue. People who hurt worse don’t get
in faster. Even with the pills there is a lot of pain and, walking
is difficult and so is standing and so is sitting in a regular chair.
Something as simple as walking around the block or spending half an
hour in an office chair is awful. The only way I’m
even moderately comfortable is lying down or sitting in a recliner. And the pills
cloud my mind so that mental tasks take twice as long as they
should.
It was hard to face the start of school in this shape, especially
with a half-mile walk between office and classroom and more walking
to get to and from the bus. I explained my predicament to my
students and held office hours right after class and then went home
and managed everything else by e-mail – siting in my recliner with
my laptop. It was really rough, not just because of the pain but
because the pills made me so sleepy and forgetful. I felt like I was
only barely keeping up and I knew the semester would get busier as it
went along.
As I was getting more and more discouraged and miserable last week,
my doctor’s office called. The real doctor was back and wanted to
know how I was and if I’d like an appointment. Yes, please! He
took me much more seriously. He examined me and discovered I have no
reflexes in my left leg, which concerned him and scared me. He said
“I’m surprised you’re still working” and said that besides
the cognitive issues he worried a lot about my walking around campus
in the colder weather that’s coming, where the sidewalks are often
quite slippery. He referred me to a neurosurgeon, which really
scared me until he said “don’t worry, nobody does back surgery
any more!” and explained that the neurosurgeon was still the best
person to evaluate my condition and make
recommendations. He said he hardly ever referred patients to
neurosurgeons but it was what I needed. That doctor will
be able to see me much sooner
than the pain clinic – “only”
1-2 months.
I went home and thought about all
this for about 2 seconds
and then sent a note to my department head explaining my situation
and asking for sick leave.
I expected guilt trips and stories about how “everybody has back
pain now and then”
and how there was
no extra professor who
could cover my course. But he was very kind and agreed
right away that
I needed sick leave. He has arranged for a visiting professor to
teach my fall course and is also looking for someone to teach my
winter course as well since it’s unlikely this will all be resolved before
January.
I am at home full-time
now and finding I feel much better already from being able to rest
and stay in a more comfortable environment. And
probably not from worrying about keeping up at work.
The pain is still there but
it’s bearable when I take it easy and take my pills. I’m
still in the process of handing over course material to the new
professor, but that will be done within a few more days and then I
can rest as much as I need to and
the mental fog won’t be such a difficult issue.
I have never had to take a long leave from work before and the
“Protestant work ethic” inside of me is trying to make me feel
guilty, but I just feel grateful. I am enjoying not hurting nearly
as much as I had been hurting when I had to be out and about.
I appreciate all the people who have
been asking after me and praying for me. It’s not great, but it’s
bearable and I have assurances that I will eventually get better.
David is taking wonderful
care of me. Things could be a lot worse. I’m just praying for
patience and for an eventual resolution to all of this that gets me
back to a fairly normal life.
I am trying to practice gratitude. I am thankful for:
- My recliner
- The pain pills
- My husband and daughter who put up with my complaining about the pain and who help me do things
- The dinners my husband cooks for us in spite of being very busy at his job
- My department head who understood
- Sick leave policy at Queen's. Some people lose their job when they are sick for a long time
- Knitting
- Books
- Netflix
- Music to listen to
- Friends who have e-mailed to tell me they miss me from work/church/choir. I miss you too!
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